Here, Have Some Food

I'm hungry. As you'll  may notice.

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I ate these in Lyon and on New Year's Eve and they are very delicious.

Spring

It's the second day the sun shines as much as you can hope for spring. The snow also vanished and I changed the design of Monday Roses again. It's minimalistic, mostly white with green and yellow - it shall be fresh, clear like the spring itself.

I realised the necessity of a spring design with a picture of strawberries on tumblr: Summer is comming, slowly, but it comes.

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YUMMIE!

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A Story of A Dead Whale

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So I've already been on that point some while ago. Now, it's harder, more depressing, way more difficult.

I noticed before that he doesn't want to talk to me, I overrode it, I ignored it. I hope it wouldn't be true, I hoped, hoped, wished for it. But of course, he didn't make any move which could be interpreted as an approach.

And then, on Sunday, I noticed it again, no, I didn't just noticed it, it was much more. It really felt like a breakup. And I guess it is one because I've been so down on that evening, I was so depressed, I understood what it means to be dead inside. It was a leave - of him, of my imaginations, of my hope.

I heart about a Muse concert and I texted him to inform him about it, being nice because I remembered he likes them. It was kind of nothing. I didn't want a long chat (okay, I did, but it would have been so okay if he didn't want to talk). He read the message. He didn't answer.
Then, on Sunday, a week after, I asked him whether he received my message or if Facebook arsed around. He read the message. He didn't answer.

A huge, fat whale died and slowly sank down through the water, and then, after some time which seemed like an eternity during which everything froze, it dropped on the sea ground, at first the bigger part in the front and then, heavily, the tail.

Since then I didn't contact him again. The rest of Sunday was a mess, Monday, too. I kept reblogging The Lizzie Bennet Diaries things without being able to stop, I read two love stories which take place in Paris and Catching Fire until my eyes fell down and I couldn't do anything anymore but sleeping.

It seemed different with him. Since we met two years ago I always felt imagine that there would be a good, long-lasting connection between the two of us but it turned out that he's nothing but a total asshole who doesn't even bother saying me that he doesn't have time or doesn't want to talk to me. Because that would be completely alright, it wouldn't be the best of course, but I'd know what happened and with what I'd have to deal. Now I have to deal with not knowing exactly what I did to him or if I somehow offended him. (I can't tell that I didn't offendend him either (hey, I'm a nice person) because he doesn't say something at all.)

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Yep, 2013 didn't start very well.
My friend still is in contact to these people I don't like, she started to always check her phone and then suddenly jumping up saying "I have to meet xy" and away she is. I'm pleased that another friend of mine also noticed that and seems to be confused at last.

One the other hand I started to become very, very close to a (male) friend of mine. We always spent time together, during school breaks, while acting. He really became someone I would declare as close friend.
And I'm scared, I'm really scared of loosing him after my school time because that's how I work. I happen to forget about people and I don't want to forget him because I'm close to him and that confuses me so much because I don't know what that means. I long for him - but loving him would sound ridiculous, that hasn't been between the two of us before. We laugh so much during the last time. Sometimes I just want to hug him but on the same time I don't.

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Fuck this shit.

Oh Heart

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It's friday night and I see he's on and I want to talk to him so badly, I want to see him so badly but I know he won't appreciate it so I hold myself back.

I miss him so much.

I have memories of great times, great moments although I'm quite sure they are all imaginary. I remember his eyes, his smile, his body, his niceness towards me - now, like two years later, I doubt that he really meant it, he just was kind and polite to me because of his mother, probably, because she somehow managed to find children to play cards with and he didn't want to disappoint her because he's a good son.

God, I'm so devasted. This situation just hurts. It hurts to remember him, it hurts to know that he doesn't really care about me, it hurts to know that all the situations I imagine which could happen between the two of us will most likely never happen. He's so fucking far away, not just by space.

I wonder why I always do that to me. Falling in love with someone and then being able to get destroyed by it.

I wish so much that we'll meet one day again. That I will see him smiling for me again, whimsically, squinting his eyes a bit, his eyes having a sparkle, us looking at each other challenging, grinning, sharing a little secret.

I doubt that that will ever happen.

I have to stop now or I will cry.

Today there was a bit snow, not much, but something.

Florence, Paintings and Snow

This weekend was a very tough one -- but a nicely tough one.

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It started with Florence + The Machine on Saturday -- yes, I got tickets (since May or so, to be honest) and I went with my one best friend. And it was such a great experience.

We stood before the mixer, nearly in the middle and around us strangely few people were. Additionally we moved a lot during the really fantastic supporting act and both lead to enough space for us. Which we completly used.

During Florence's performance we jumped up and down, danced, sang (badly of course), cheered and had fun. The people around us where kind of squares and barely moved at all but that was okay, we had fun though. And my friend was cool, she really was casual and danced and so (which I hadn't seen before ^^).

We also clapped a lot (especially during The Dog Days Are Over) and due a ring on my one hand, my other hand hurt Sunday. In the evening my neck sucked. ;)

But overall I had a very great night, full of awesome songs and endorphins.

(See some awesome pictures here - not mine! ;) ) 

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I really wanted to sleep for like the whole Sunday -- but I needed to get my painting finished. 

For my Arts course I needed to paint a big picture and the fact that I'm very bad at drawing and painting didn't help me at all. The good thing was that there wasn't water at my school (I guess because of construction works) and we had no school, consequentially I worked the whole Monday on that damn thing. And I actually finished it! 

I'm relieved it's over but I need to present a real analysis of it and I really don't like that. I don't want to deal to much with it anymore.

And the most awesome thing (next to Florence) also started on Saturday.

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SNOW!

The first few flakes fell on Saturday morning and were away around midday. On Sunday afternoon it finally really snowed (with white cars, trees, roofs and so) and it still is there! Of course it's not much, but nevertheless, snow! 

This night I woke up and the clouds were weird orange coloured, I dragged me up and looked out of the window -- aaaaah, it snowed again! I just love the weather right now. (And the fact that the train has troubles again is actually kind of fun.)

Due the construction works -- or maybe by mistake -- there's only water in the school's basement but plentiful! So, I again have a school-free day. Which isn't bad of course, I can write a post again and I will start with my Christmas presents. Oh, how good I actually feel!

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Pic spam! :D

It Is Winter Now

Hereby I decide that it's winter, that it's christmas, that the nicest part of the year starts. And what does that mean? Yes, right, a design change.
This time I've done something ... different, I mean, it's just my third winter here but by different I also mean something different than for all the seasons which were featured on Monday Roses.
I used the snow picture as background, header and footer and the effect is quite interesting I think.

So now I start doing what I also do in the mid of November. I wait for snow. Actually, it already is very cold and there already is ice on the car's windows in the morning - but still, snow misses.

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Snow, you're welcome here.

Longing for Autumn

I don't know if I do anything wrong but again I have so much bad things in my life (school, love, illnesses). But I won't break down, not yet; just two more weeks and I'll have holidays again. Wait, well, in these two weeks I have three exams and one test. But anyway, I hope that when I stay with my grandparents it will be autumn.

Oh, autumn ...

... brown leaves ...

... long nights ...

 
... clear air ...

 
... days in bed ...

... scarfs and gloves ...

... candlelights ...

... days of rain ... 

... reddened skin ...

... forrests ...

... reading, books ...

... tea ...

... colourful ...

And then, some day, there will be snow.