A Story of A Dead Whale

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So I've already been on that point some while ago. Now, it's harder, more depressing, way more difficult.

I noticed before that he doesn't want to talk to me, I overrode it, I ignored it. I hope it wouldn't be true, I hoped, hoped, wished for it. But of course, he didn't make any move which could be interpreted as an approach.

And then, on Sunday, I noticed it again, no, I didn't just noticed it, it was much more. It really felt like a breakup. And I guess it is one because I've been so down on that evening, I was so depressed, I understood what it means to be dead inside. It was a leave - of him, of my imaginations, of my hope.

I heart about a Muse concert and I texted him to inform him about it, being nice because I remembered he likes them. It was kind of nothing. I didn't want a long chat (okay, I did, but it would have been so okay if he didn't want to talk). He read the message. He didn't answer.
Then, on Sunday, a week after, I asked him whether he received my message or if Facebook arsed around. He read the message. He didn't answer.

A huge, fat whale died and slowly sank down through the water, and then, after some time which seemed like an eternity during which everything froze, it dropped on the sea ground, at first the bigger part in the front and then, heavily, the tail.

Since then I didn't contact him again. The rest of Sunday was a mess, Monday, too. I kept reblogging The Lizzie Bennet Diaries things without being able to stop, I read two love stories which take place in Paris and Catching Fire until my eyes fell down and I couldn't do anything anymore but sleeping.

It seemed different with him. Since we met two years ago I always felt imagine that there would be a good, long-lasting connection between the two of us but it turned out that he's nothing but a total asshole who doesn't even bother saying me that he doesn't have time or doesn't want to talk to me. Because that would be completely alright, it wouldn't be the best of course, but I'd know what happened and with what I'd have to deal. Now I have to deal with not knowing exactly what I did to him or if I somehow offended him. (I can't tell that I didn't offendend him either (hey, I'm a nice person) because he doesn't say something at all.)

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Yep, 2013 didn't start very well.
My friend still is in contact to these people I don't like, she started to always check her phone and then suddenly jumping up saying "I have to meet xy" and away she is. I'm pleased that another friend of mine also noticed that and seems to be confused at last.

One the other hand I started to become very, very close to a (male) friend of mine. We always spent time together, during school breaks, while acting. He really became someone I would declare as close friend.
And I'm scared, I'm really scared of loosing him after my school time because that's how I work. I happen to forget about people and I don't want to forget him because I'm close to him and that confuses me so much because I don't know what that means. I long for him - but loving him would sound ridiculous, that hasn't been between the two of us before. We laugh so much during the last time. Sometimes I just want to hug him but on the same time I don't.

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Fuck this shit.