An End Again

x

Just a few minutes ago I decided to leave him alone. To let him go so that he doesn't have to deal with me any more.

Strictly speaking that means that I won't talk to him or obtrude myself. Many things I've done so far are just embarrassing and they don't really help me. 

But yes, of course, I still love to check his profile and to see pictures of him. I still would like to talk to him - but this isn't what he wants and therefore it comes to nothing.

I just hurt myself and - I'd be hurt either way, so that's nothing relevant. This whole thing is also not realistic, he lives like 400 km away. But of course, of course, I dream of a common future and of course I think he would be the only one, the true one, there are many points for it but there are even more indications that he's not. He isn't interested in me, somehow not even in any way, my life just starts right now and how should we ever meet again?

So maybe it's a good decision, maybe not. I'll just step a step back and wait. If he wants to talk, he will, and I just have to be strong until then.

(I think I'm not very normal, it seems to me as if I always need a boy I can concentrate on, on whom I can fix all my thoughts. That's crackbrained.)

(This decision somehow frightens me, I don't know why, maybe it's because how I let my mind decide.)