Dreaming and Autumn The Second

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This part sounds very pathetic and dumb and young and not that serious or like I really think I am. 

Tonight I dreamt about him.

We students sat on these round conference tables and had to write a drama exam. I didn't even care about that exam because somehow I didn't visit any of the lessons but still had to write it. Then, he sat in front of me and my friend and me talked to him and I changed my seat twice so that I somehow sat next to him. And I don't know how it happened but he had his arm around me and we were close and no one cared and after that exam we were together.

I was happy and delighted that morning. Of course I know that this didn't happen in reality, but I had some clarity at least in my dream.

And most of all, I saw him speaking again. I mean, I always just read him speaking - our conservations are just in the written way. But my brain saved somewhere a picture of him sitting in front of me, talking, and in the night I saw him again.

Oh god, I'm so fucked up.

This incident has been in my mind for the whole day and I guess I won't get rid of it very soon. The last time I saw him in reality was two years ago.

Damn, this whole thing is insane.

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Tomorrow I will head to my grandparents and spend the next 1,5 week here. There's going to be autumn. And I love it and look extremely forward to it. I will read The Casual Vacancy. Holiday, you know. Finally again.

I want to meet him again.