Love in its Forms

It's odd.

I feel better when he is next to me. Much better. When he is away and I know that I won't see him this day anymore, I'm a wreck.

So it happened today. 

During my first two lessons I felt tired to death, after meeting, seeing and speaking to him during the break my next two lessons were much more easier.

But my last lesson was a disaster again. We said good-bye to each other because we knew we wouldn't see us today again. After that I've been tired, snuffled, was cold and I'm sure I failed the test we wrote.

It sounds as if I'm reliant on him. But I don't want to be, I don't want to be a Bella and nearly die by trying to remember him.

Up to now I had have four loves, him included. 

It feels different with him. I know that sounds naive or like well-everybody-thinks-the-current-love-is-the-best-one-ever.

But he is the only one with whom a common future seems to be able to become true. We both have common interests, a common way of seeing the world, our lives, reading. We have similar ambitions. We both enjoy spending time together. I never met somebody like him before.

We touch each other. As if by accident, but without shying. Our arms stay where they are.

I don't know what it is. Sometimes I get afraid.

During this week my grandmother staies in Berlin and we were in town with her today. I have the feeling that I'm the only one who cares about her.

Yes, our grandparents aren't fast, and yes, you have to say things several times before they react. Yes, they don't hear everything and yes, it can get on ones nerves. A year ago or so I also felt this way. But then I wondered for a minute what happens when they're dead and the only memories I've got is being bothered by them.

I think that was the moment when I decided to love them like they are and to exercise patience.

I hope my other family members will realize that too and could be happy that our grandparents still don't have big healthy problems.

(Update: With that I don't want to say that they don't care about my grandparents. I know that they're happy to have them and that they love the two. I'm just saying.)