And Very Much Can Change In A Minute

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Last month I wrote that A Year Is Plenty Of Time - but oh, oh, lots of things can change in a small moment, too.

He kissed my best friend, who had thought of him as nothing as just a friend, left her completely confused and mixed up, didn't talk to her after that and let her go on a term abroad without a clarification. Yes, I'm angry at him for how he treated her. And yes, I'm also angry at him (although less primarily) for how he made me think he liked me.

You know, like me-like me He majorly helped me to make a decision, influenced me a lot on that matter. Basically: I sent him a long message, he called, we talked and I followed his advice and decided. Damn, he was so important for me on that matter.

Then, two days later on the evening before my exam, my best friend told me that they had a date and kissed. I'm still so proud of her for telling me that. That made me having even more confidence in her.

Well, I don't have confidence in him anymore, obviously. I was shocked at how he kept us both (mexbest friend) close, that he played around with me, that

I was mad, angry and disappointed. I sent him to hell and didn't want to talk about or speak with him for a long time. I didn't want him to make contact because I hated him, on the other hand I wanted him to make contact because I wanted to tell him how stupid he was. It worked well, I passed my exam and winced whenever his name fell.
(I realised that there was this possibility - that he treats every girl the way he treated me, since I never saw him being alone with a girl or with a few female friends. Only with a larger group of friends on his birthday. I also learned that some guys probably simply don't notice how they act around girls and that the girls could interpret too much and too wrongly. Again, I learned a lot with these guys in the past year. Oh hell, that year was really though.)

And today I met him. By accident. We went shopping in a supermarket where he works -- us being me and two male friends from secondary school -- and I knew our meeting point was close to his supermarket and when one of them wanted to buy a drink I realised that it's the time of the shift he always works at and when we were in the supermarket I looked for him and when I spotted him at the counter, he spotted me too and I had to wave at him to say hello because I'm nice and that's what I do when I meet people. The boys went to an other counter so I followed them and when we waited I tried not to look in his direction and when we left we passed him and the two of us greeted each other and he was like "Next time you come to me!" and I laughed and answered that I didn't see him early enough (WHAT RUBBISH HE SAW ME TOO I COULD HAVE JUST SAID THAT THE BOYS WERE FASTER but I didn't, I think I just didn't want to introduce them to each other at that moment). And then I said good-bye and we left.

As if nothing happened. Only as if I wanted to follow my friends and not to prevent him from his work. 

And he looked so good and so dark ... with that dim light at the counter and these dark hairs and dark shirt and shadows and dark glasses and pale skin oh hell. That short, chubby guy.

I don't know. The boys laughed when we left the market and bantered me about him being my boyfriend and I thought how painfully close they could have been and I'm so done. (lol it would have been funny if i had been able to tell the truth and had been like "yeah, that was my boyfriend, he works here". they would be so flabbergasted.)

Well, let's see if he gets in touch. I have to say that I hate him for acting as if he didn't kiss her and as if everything between us still is the same. Because it isn't. At all.